✈️ Flight Log: Leg 6 – EGLL (London Heathrow, UK) ➡️ EHAM (Amsterdam Schiphol, Netherlands)

“Canals, Clogs, and Catastrophic Customs Forms”
Block Time: 1.0 hour, 4 near-collisions with reality, and 1 unnecessarily passionate tulip debate
Cargo Manifest:

• 200 bikes labeled “Untraceable Urban Mobility Devices”
• 3 wind turbine parts no one ordered, addressed to “Mr. Hans, Rotterdam”
• A suspicious crate labeled “Edible Wooden Shoes – Experimental”
• Wattles McFreedom, now wearing tiny orange sunglasses and pecking at a wedge of Gouda

Diplomatic Purpose:
Deliver clean energy symbolism and “culturally neutral gift cargo” (read: cheese). Unofficially testing how much absurdity the Dutch will tolerate before shrugging and biking away.

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Crew Notes

• Adelyn:
  Insisted on rehearsing the landing six times in the sim because “EHAM has a complex taxi layout” (code for “please nobody speak to me until touchdown”). Responded to Eleanor’s clog-themed in-flight trivia with, “I’m going to file a noise complaint with HR.”
• Eleanor:
  Debuted a jazz-clog fusion dance called Windmill Funk during climb. Demanded that the PFD be renamed the “Party Flight Display.” Was later found trying to hot-glue tulips to her headset. Claimed it improved range.
• Noah:
  Joined a Dutch horticulture Discord mid-cruise. Five new fangirls now call him “Little Sprout.” Ordered stroopwafels inflight via a pilot-to-pilot barter network. Received a pallet.

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Passenger Vibe Check

• Dr. Moretti:
  Spent the flight researching Dutch healthcare. Now insists the entire mission reroute through Amsterdam for “regulatory spiritual cleansing.”
• Raj:
  Tried to start a DAO called “ClogChain” focused on artisanal wooden shoe authentication. Yuki shoved a cheese wheel in his mouth mid-pitch.
• Colonel Hawke:
  Attempted to declare the Netherlands “strategically neutral, suspiciously tidy.” Tried to salute a bicycle. The bicycle did not salute back.
• Yuki:
  Unveiled a sculpture called “Flatness of Mind” in the galley. Was asked to remove it after it blocked the snack drawer.
• Camila:
  Narrated approach as a soft-spoken exposé titled “Below Sea Level, Above Sanity: Schiphol’s Existential Crisis.” No one asked her to, again.

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Flight Highlights

• Eleanor kept yelling “TULIP FLAPS!” during descent. Adelyn turned off her intercom access.
• Noah discovered a Twitch channel live-streaming Schiphol ground ops and became briefly fluent in Dutch pushback lingo.
• Wattles McFreedom strutted into the cabin during flare. No one knows how. The Dutch say “he belongs to the wind now.”

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Mission Summary

• Success Metrics:
  • Landed safely on runway 18R.
  • Cargo accepted by three guys in matching scarves who nodded and said “ja” a lot.
  • Eleanor only partially detained by airport art curators.
• Diplomatic Outcome:
  • The Dutch welcomed the crew with measured confusion and several brochures on “How to Bike Without Causing War.”
  • Raj was told he’s not allowed to use the term “crypto-clog” ever again in the EU.
• Crew Rating:
  • Adelyn: 5/10 – spent 10 minutes yelling at a taxi diagram, then gave up and taxied via emotional instinct
  • Eleanor: 15/10 – claims the Netherlands “awakened her soul’s geometry”
  • Noah: 8/10 – now has four pen pals named Femke and an unsolicited wheel of cheese

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Debrief

Wattles McFreedom now has a small but growing Dutch fan club. Yuki’s sculpture was stolen by a street artist who declared it “found art.” Camila’s film “Stroopwafels & Silence” is screening in a local arthouse theater. Adelyn has locked herself in the avionics bay to scream quietly. Eleanor is learning accordion. Nobody asked her to.

Next Stop: EBBR – Brussels, Belgium
Objective: Attempt diplomacy with a nation that has three official languages and no tolerance for kazoo-based national anthems.

Ready for waffles, bureaucracy, and brotherly Belgian side-eye?