✈️ Flight Log: Leg 5 – EIDW (Dublin, Ireland) ➡️ EGLL (London Heathrow, UK)

“A Brief Visit to Her Majesty’s Paperwork”
Block Time: 1.1 hours, 3 accent misfires, 9 passive-aggressive sighs from Ground Control
Cargo Manifest:

• 14 crates of “Anglo-American Unity Kits” (mostly tote bags and stress balls)
• 1 antique phone booth containing an animatronic Churchill that recites motivational quotes
• Wattles McFreedom, now wearing a tiny bowler hat
• 40 unauthorized cans of imported root beer (promptly detained)

Diplomatic Purpose:
Official: Cultural goodwill delivery & refueling.
Actual: See how long they can be on UK soil before Eleanor accidentally triggers an international incident by using the phrase “crisps are just sad chips.”

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Crew Notes

• Adelyn:
  Rehearsed Heathrow arrival procedures like she was taking her ATPL all over again. Had printed out a flowchart labeled “How to Taxi Without Getting Arrested.” Made it as far as the holding point before Eleanor began humming God Save the Queen off-key. Eyelid twitch upgraded to Threat Level Orange.
• Eleanor:
  Created a spoken-word performance titled “Heathrow Is My Runway.” Delivered it over the PA during descent. Adelyn pulled the circuit breaker to cut her off. Eleanor now refers to her as “The Censorship Regime.”
• Noah:
  Googled “how to sound smart in England” and now ends every sentence with “innit.” Met three British Airways cabin crew while refueling. They gave him digestive biscuits and an embroidered handkerchief. He remains baffled.

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Passenger Vibe Check

• Dr. Moretti:
  Attempted to reclassify the WHO supplies as “emotional support science.” Was last seen negotiating with a customs officer using tea metaphors.
• Raj:
  Tried to explain cryptocurrency to a border patrol agent. The agent pretended to fall asleep mid-sentence and was awarded a medal for bravery.
• Colonel Hawke:
  Yelled “God save the Queen!” at the top of the jet stairs. Had to be reminded gently that it’s now “King.” He wept and muttered something about 1941.
• Yuki:
  Left a sculpture titled “Transatlantic Indifference” on the customs conveyor belt. Security now uses it to test the emotional stability of new hires.
• Camila:
  Narrated the entire terminal transfer as a post-Brexit documentary. Was gently escorted away from the duty-free whiskey samples for “weaponizing narrative gravitas.”

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Flight Highlights

• Eleanor declared “V1” using her best faux Cockney accent. Adelyn declared her emotionally unfit for radio.
• ATC issued 4 speed adjustments in 10 minutes. Eleanor claimed it was “just like choreography.”
• Noah accidentally ordered seven cups of tea via the ACARS system. They’re now stacked in the avionics bay.

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Mission Summary

• Success Metrics:
  • Landed at EGLL without scraping a wing or insulting the monarchy (directly).
  • Cargo declared and reclassified as “cultural confusion in shrink wrap.”
  • Eleanor only mildly booed in Terminal 3 by a busking Shakespearean actor.
• Diplomatic Outcome:
  • UK officials processed the visit with a tight-lipped smile and a stamp labeled “Probationary Allies.”
  • Yuki was offered a temporary art residency. She declined, saying “the fog isn’t emotionally productive.”
• Crew Rating:
  • Adelyn: 5/10 – beginning to believe Heathrow is sentient and hates her
  • Eleanor: 14/10 – said “cheerio” to everyone, including the APU
  • Noah: 8/10 – now has a pen pal named Abigail who sent him a thermos of Earl Grey

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Debrief

Camila’s footage of the arrival includes a 12-minute slow zoom on a British Airways pilot glaring at Eleanor. Raj was last seen trying to explain “decentralized cucumber markets” to a confused Pret a Manger cashier. Wattles McFreedom pooped on the tarmac; Eleanor claimed it as “performance critique.” Adelyn took a nap while still wearing her life vest “just in case.”

Next Stop: EHAM – Amsterdam, Netherlands
Objective: Land the plane. Avoid Dutch sarcasm. Keep Eleanor away from stroopwafels and interpretive windmill dancing.

Shall we cross the Channel into chaos, tulips, and confused border agents?